Communication · Sales · Listening

They Said Money... They Meant Something Else...

Ask the second question and the client tells you how to help them, and how to close.

Dr. Greg Moody · October 10, 2026

"We're having some financial trouble right now."

Watch what happens next in most sales conversations. The salesperson hears "money" and jumps: "No problem, we have a payment plan, we can split the first payment in two..." and the conversation is over. The prospect said one sentence and the salesperson answered something the prospect never brought up.

I've watched this during enrollments martial arts schools, on marketing sales calls, with authors deciding whether to publish, in staff meetings, and (more often than I'd like) in my own conversations. It's the same mistake every time. Somebody gives you a headline and you respond to the headline instead of asking for the story.

The rule is: the first thing they say is the headline. Your job is to ask the second question, and then the third, until you get the real reason.

Try it in your next conversation. When the first objection comes, ask one more question before you answer it.

Listening is step one. That’s what we’re covering in this article… Once they know you understand, you've validated them and they feel the empathy, you can dig into the issue you can actually solve, or help them feel safe making a decision today.

ASIDE

We’re not covering what’s next… Once you understand them fully, you’re not done and we have tools to handle what comes next: The five questions, when the concern is "I need to think about it." And the decision anxiety approach, when the hesitation is about committing, not about what you're offering. Both are covered in The Enrollment Conversation (Moody, 2026b).

The reason I wanted to speak on this part only is it’s the hardest thing to get anyone to do. Listen/validate/show empathy…

If you hate selling, this is good news! The version of sales that works best involves a lot less talking from you and getting good at listening.

The headline rule

"Financial trouble" (we’ll use this as our example but it could be “quit for soccer”, “I am getting divorced”, “Our schedule doesn’t work for that”) can mean at least six different things. A job loss. A spouse who hasn't been told about the purchase yet. A habit of saying "money" when the real objection is "I'm not sure this will work for me." A bill that hits on the 15th. A test to see if you'll discount. Or actual financial trouble.

How many of those does a payment plan fix? One, maybe two. The other four you just talked past... and the prospect let you, because it was easier than explaining.

What did they mean? You don't know yet. You CAN'T know yet. Anybody who answers a headline is guessing, and the guess is usually whichever objection the salesperson is most comfortable handling. The client may have a different one.

If you've been doing this, it's not your fault. You were trained to have an answer ready, and you've been rewarded for it for years. It's a habit, and you can practice it in every conversation you have this week.

The listening continuum

In the Communication chapter of my book The Life Skills of Leaders (Moody, 2023) we teach the listening continuum:

1. Ignoring
2. Pretend listening
3. Selective listening
4. Attentive listening
5. Empathic listening

Selective listening is where most of us live in a sales conversation. You're listening for the thing you can respond to. The prospect says a dozen things and you hear "money" because you have a money script.

Empathic listening, the top of the continuum, means getting inside the other person's frame of reference before you respond. Carl Rogers built an entire approach to therapy on it (Rogers, 1957). A meta-analysis of 82 independent samples found therapist empathy was a moderate predictor of client outcome, and the effect was strongest when the CLIENT rated the empathy (Elliott et al., 2018). The person across the desk from you isn't a therapy client, and I'd expect the same thing to hold. People often won't tell you the real reason until they feel understood.

I tell people all the time: listen like a human. Validation is: you hear what the other person is saying and make sure they know that you heard it... not by saying "I hear what you're saying, BUT" (which is just a way to retort), but by reflecting, paraphrasing, asking important questions, working to fully understand. This doesn't mean agreeing, it means making sure they know you understand.

Warmth first, then competence

Vanessa Van Edwards runs a human behavior research lab called Science of People, and her book Cues (Van Edwards, 2022) adds a useful piece for anyone who sells. She builds on Susan Fiske's research showing that people judge each other on two dimensions first: warmth and competence (Fiske et al., 2007). Warmth answers "Can I trust you?" Competence answers "Can I rely on you?" And people answer the trust question first.

Her team coded 495 pitches from the TV show Shark Tank (gestures, smiling, laughter, how much space the pitchers took up). Her finding was that the pitchers who got deals showed warmth early and then competence, and the ones who held back their signals left the investors unable to answer either question (Van Edwards, 2022). That's her lab's analysis, not a peer-reviewed study, and it lines up with what Fiske found.

The six listening tools from counseling training run in the same order. The first five are warmth: I'm here, I heard you, your reaction makes sense. The sixth, advising, is competence: here's what to do about it. Most salespeople open with competence. Features, credentials, the payment plan. They're answering "Can I rely on you?" to somebody who hasn't decided whether to trust them yet.

Six tools from counseling training

These are the Level 2 listening skills in the book. I learned them again in counseling training, where they have the same names (some things are the same everywhere).

The book's example is a student who says "I'm worried about Testing" (Moody, 2023). Here's the same sequence with a business owner in a marketing meeting who says "I'm worried about the cost."

• Encourager: nod, wait for a response.
• Reflect: "You're worried about the cost..."
• Paraphrase: "The price is the part that's bothering you."
• Inquiry statement: "I'm wondering what you've spent on marketing before and what you got for it."
• Supportive: "I can't say I blame you. A lot of owners have been burned."
• Advising: "What most owners in your spot do is start with one location and measure it for 90 days."

Advising is LAST. Five moves happen before anybody suggests anything, and by the time you get to the suggestion you know what the worry is. The last agency that didn't deliver, a partner who controls the budget, a slow month, no way to tell if it's working... four different problems that all sound like "I'm worried about the cost."

1. Minimal encouragers. "And then...", "hmm", a nod, silence. The book lists silence as an encourager and it's the one nobody uses. Why does silence work? Because people fill it. Wait after "we have financial trouble"... a beat longer than feels comfortable, and most people keep going. They'll tell you which kind!

Van Edwards teaches a version of this she calls the triple nod: when they finish talking, nod slowly three times and wait. Her claim is that people keep talking three to four times longer (Van Edwards, 2022). I haven't been able to find the original study behind that number, so treat the number with caution. The move itself costs nothing.

2. Reflecting. Say back what they said, in their words. "You're having some financial trouble right now." It sounds too simple. It confirms you heard the right thing, and it lets them hear their own sentence. People often realize the sentence didn't say what they meant (Moody, 2023). "Well, it's not trouble exactly, it's that my partner handles the..." Now you're finding out what the real issue is.

3. Paraphrasing. Condense it into your words. "The timing of the payment is the issue." The book is specific about why this one is powerful: you can interrupt a long story without generating resistance, it lets you guide the conversation, and it lets the other person modify what they first said. In Motivational Interviewing the reflection is the center of the whole method (Miller & Rollnick, 2013), and their working guideline for clinicians is more reflections than questions... about two to one.

4. Inquiry statements. Not a question. A statement that leaves the door open. "I wonder how the money side is sitting with you." "It sounds like something changed recently." "I'm not sure what the concern is." The book has one I use all the time: "To meet your goal, you have a long list of things to do like..." and then you stop talking and let them fill in the rest. A question can feel like probing. A statement usually doesn't, and most people answer it anyway.

5. Supporting. "I can't say I blame you." "I know it can be hard." You're telling them they have a right to feel that way. You don't have to agree with them. A lot of salespeople skip this because they think it means giving in on the price. Supporting them keeps them talking long enough for you to get to step six.

Support is empathy, and it's easy to slide into sympathy instead. "At least the first month is free" is sympathy: it tells them their worry is too big for the facts. "I can't say I blame you" is empathy: it tells them the worry makes sense.

6. Advising. NOW you suggest something. Your advice is about the real problem, because you found out what it was.

Van Edwards adds a cue for this step. Say your recommendation with your voice going down at the end, not up (Van Edwards, 2022). "Most owners start with one location?" with a rising tone sounds like you're asking permission. The same sentence with a falling tone sounds like you've done this before (because you have).

Follow-up questions and open questions

When you do ask a question, two things matter: that it's a follow-up, and that it's open.

A series of studies on conversation found that people who ask more questions, especially follow-up questions, are liked more by the people they're talking to, and the follow-up questions were the ones doing the work (Huang et al., 2017). The follow-up question is the second question. It is the one that PROVES you heard the first answer.

The other piece of evidence comes from police and investigative interviewing. The Cognitive Interview replaces the question-answer-question rhythm with open prompts, silence, and letting the witness report in their own order. A meta-analysis of 25 years of studies found it produces a large increase in correct details recalled, with a much smaller increase in errors (Memon et al., 2010). The interviewers got more accurate information by asking fewer questions and letting the witness talk. A sales conversation may work the same way.

Which questions? Open ones. "How's the cash flow going to look over the next few months?" beats "Is the cash flow a problem?" A closed question usually gets a yes or a no, and then you're stuck thinking up another one. An open question gets them talking, and somewhere in what they say is the real objection.

Your opener counts too. Van Edwards points out that "What do you do?" is the question everybody has a canned answer to, and suggests "Working on anything exciting right now?" instead (Van Edwards, 2022). In a sales conversation the canned question is a different one.

DON'T say: "How can I help you today?"

SAY: "What made today the day you came in?"

The answer to that is usually the real reason they're buying.

The financial trouble conversation, both ways

Same prospect, same objection, two versions. The example is a family in an enrollment at a martial arts school, and the same two versions show up in every kind of sales conversation.

The reflex version

Prospect: "We're having some financial trouble right now."

Salesperson: "Totally understand. We have a payment plan. We can split the first payment in two."

Prospect: "OK... let me talk to my spouse."

Salesperson: "Sure! When's a good time to follow up?"

Prospect: "I'll call you."

Five lines, and the salesperson never found out what "financial trouble" meant, offered a payment plan nobody asked for, and handed the decision to someone who isn't in the room. Most of the time, they won't call.

The listening version

Prospect: "We're having some financial trouble right now."

Salesperson: (nods, waits)

Prospect: "My spouse's hours got cut."

Salesperson: "Their hours got cut... so this isn't a permanent thing, it's a right-now thing."

Prospect: "Right. They said it's probably a few months."

Salesperson: "I'm wondering what you were hoping to get for Jordan out of this when you came in."

Prospect: "Jordan's teacher said they can't focus. That's really why we're here."

Salesperson: "I know what you mean. That's one of the biggest reasons parents come in. What most families do when the budget's tight for a few months is..."

What does the salesperson know now that they didn't know a minute ago? The trouble is temporary, it has a date on it, and the real reason for the visit has nothing to do with money. The advice at the end (and yes, it may still include a payment option) is now about focus and a temporary budget problem. Now the conversation is about Jordan's focus, and that's something the parent wants to say yes to.

(Jordan is a made-up example, and the moves are the ones we train at our school.)

Which one would you rather be on the other side of?

The same pattern runs a marketing meeting (this one is a composite of meetings I've had). A school owner says "I need to think about it." The reflex is "Great, I'll send you some info." The listening move is "What's the part you want to think about?" The answer I got most often was not price. It was "My last agency took my money and I never saw a report." Sending more info wouldn't have fixed that. What helped was a clear answer to "How will I know it's working?"

What they say, and the second question

Print this and keep it where you have these conversations.

They say	The reflex	The better move
"We have financial trouble."	"We have a payment plan."	Wait a beat. Then: "You're having some financial trouble..."
"I need to talk to my spouse."	"Sure, when's good to call?"	"Of course. What do you think they'll say?"
"We're just really busy."	"I get it, life's crazy."	"I wonder what the week actually looks like."
"I'm not sure this is worth the money."	"It's the best value in town."	"What would make it worth it for you?"
"I'll think about it."	"Great, I'll send some info."	"What's the part you want to think about?"
"The other company is cheaper."	"We're more expensive because..."	"What did you like about them?"
"We tried this before and it didn't work."	"We're different."	"Tell me what happened last time."
"Just send me a proposal."	"Sure, I'll email it tonight."	"Happy to. What would it need to say for you to say yes?"
"Not right now."	"OK, I'll check back in the spring."	"What would need to be different for now to work?"
"I'm just looking."	"Let me know if you have questions."	"Sure. What got you looking?"

The "Just send me a proposal" row has a historical cousin. At Camp David in 1978, the American team wrote one draft of the agreement, then asked Egypt and Israel what was wrong with it, and kept revising. After thirteen days and about twenty-three drafts, the United States had a text it was ready to recommend (Fisher et al., 2011). A proposal can work the same way: send a draft and ask "What did we get wrong about you?" before you ask anyone to sign.

None of the better moves argue or offer anything. They get the person talking, and that's usually where you find out what's really going on.

If you run a martial arts school, the same skill runs the membership side too. The Cancellation Conversation (Moody, 2026a) walks through it with a family who wants to quit.

Non-verbal listening

The book puts it the way our training does: words carry about 7% of what gets communicated, voice about 38%, and body language about 55% (Mehrabian & Ferris, 1967; Moody, 2023). Van Edwards cites the same numbers (Van Edwards, 2022). Those figures came from studies of feelings and attitudes, so I would not stretch them to "words don't matter." Words matter. What the research does support is that when your words and your body disagree, people believe the body.

Which means the listening tools fail if you're doing them while glancing at your screen. In counseling training the posture has a name, SOLER: sit squarely, open posture, lean in slightly, eye contact, relaxed (Egan, 2014). We teach the same thing to White Belts as "listening position." If you look impatient, people tend to give you the short version, which is usually just the headline.

Put the phone face down. Turn the chair. That's most of the skill... seriously!

A seven-day drill

Understand first. Be understood second. That's the line on the worksheet in my book, and it comes from Stephen Covey's Habit 5, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood" (Covey, 1989). It works in a sales office the same way.

The practice:

1. Pick ONE tool for the week. Reflecting is the easiest to start with.
2. In every conversation where somebody gives you an objection, a complaint, or a "no"... use the tool before you answer. Once.
3. Count. Keep a tally on a sticky note: how many times you reflected before answering, and how many times you answered the headline.
4. The target is 5 reflections a day, 25 for the week.

Do that for a week and watch what people tell you! Then add inquiry statements the next week, and the triple nod the week after.

The six, in the order you use them:

Tool	What it sounds like	Job
Encourager	"Hmm." A nod. Silence.	Keep them talking (warmth)
Reflect	"You're having financial trouble."	Confirm it, and let them hear it (warmth)
Paraphrase	"The timing is the issue."	Condense it and guide the conversation (warmth)
Inquiry statement	"I wonder what changed."	Open the door without probing (warmth)
Support	"I can't say I blame you."	Keep the door open (warmth)
Advise	"What most people do is..."	LAST. Now you know the problem (competence)

The best salespeople I've worked with do the same thing the best instructors do: they ask the second question and then they stop talking (that's the hard part).

After they feel heard

Listening gets you the real reason. Then you have something to work with.

If the real reason is "I need to think about it," in martial arts enrollment we run five questions. It's almost always one of five things: living in the area, a health concern, the schedule, how much they want the outcome for their kid, or the budget. Go through them one at a time, get a yes or talk it through, and solve the one that's left. In another business the five may have different names (timing, fit, logistics, the outcome, the budget), and the method is the same.

If none of the five is the problem and they still can't commit, it may be decision anxiety: a reaction to committing, not to the price. Name it, walk back through the five, and make the decision reversible with a guarantee instead of a discount. The Decision Anxiety Framework (Moody, 2026c) explains why it happens, and The Enrollment Conversation (Moody, 2026b) walks through the conversation step by step.

Neither one works until step one is done. If they don't feel heard, the five questions sound like a checklist and the guarantee sounds like a pitch.

This week: 25 reflections, tallied on a sticky note on your desk. Count how many prospects tell you the real reason before you make an offer. If you want help building this into how your team sells, reach out to me.